I’m still debating this topic – with myself that is.
We’re lucky in the fact that we have an asilo nido (day care) here in town but, since I work from home, I originally never considered that I would have the need to use it.
Lately though we’ve been thinking of taking Luigi there a few days a week for an hour or two. Our main reason is to give him the opportunity to be with other children since there are no other young children in our family. O also says that it will give me more time to get the stuff done that I keep saying I need to get done.
I have to admit that I have my reservations about it though. After all, he’s only 14 months old and, while I would wait until after he gets his next round of vaccinations in September, I still hesitate.
Part of me says that I’m fortunate to have the opportunity to work from home and spend this time with him. So many mothers don’t get that chance.
Also, I want to make sure he learns the things that I want to teach him before he’s influenced by others. Not that I’m the best mother in the world, but we all have certain things that we think are important and want to pass on to our children. For example, there’s the fact that if I send him to day care already, he may fall behind in learning English since I’m the one who speaks it to him. Will he decide that he doesn’t want to speak English any more since no one else speaks it with him?
But then, if I don’t send him to day care am I depriving him of the chance to play with other children his age? Will it cause him problems when he goes to preschool in a couple of years (at 3 years old)? I don’t want him to have problems adjusting to preschool or to have difficulties in his relationships with other children.
Maybe I’m just being a mommy who doesn’t want to let go of her baby so I’m finding reasons not to send him. My gut instinct tells me to keep him with me for as long as I can, but I’m not sure if it’s the right thing for him.
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I’ve contemplated asilo too, and I know what you mean about wanting to teach him certain things before sending him off. To be honest, I’m just not ready to let Pata go, and she’s 20 months! I think I suffer from worse separation anxiety than she does sometimes. I’m not worried about her not socializing much with other children before she goes to school because at that age they don’t really play with each other anyway.
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Mary Reply:
September 7th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I think we’re in the same boat. I’m not ready to let Luigi go either, but then everyone’s always making comments about him being a mamma’s boy and always wanting to be with mamma. I guess I just wonder why that’s so bad considering that he’s only 14 months old. There will be plenty of time for him to be pushing mamma away. I told O that I think I want to hold off for now. There’s time enough for all that.
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Ohhh… What a choice! I can see where you are coming from.
I have an expat friend who is a mother and she regrets sending her two boys too early because now they refuse to speak English (American Mother, Italian Father in the Molise)
Then again, I have another friend (reverse, American Father, Italian Mother) who did that and the kids love speaking English!! They were just strict about speaking it in the house and making sure they had summers in the USA etc.
I just discovered this blog – so please keep me posted on little Luigi! lol
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Mary Reply:
September 7th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Welcome! I hope you like the blog.
Since O doesn’t speak any English, the only time Luigi will ever hear it is when I speak it with him. That’s why I’m afraid Italian will be much more attractive to him. I’ll just keep plugging away…
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Lolly went aged 18 months, and Lizzy will be starting this month, also 18 months. For us it’s been a success – on the condition that they don’t go for too many hours a week. Make it only mornings, perhaps, or three days a week. Lolly is still (aged 4) better in English than Italian – in fact he had some difficulty picking up Italian, despite Daddy being and It only speaker, so nido really helped him there. Plus when he started school (materna, age 3), it really made a difference – he fitted right in, and missed not more than 10 days this year. Other kids who hadn’t been to nido had real trouble being away from Mum, and missed most of the year from various bugs that they had developed no resistance to. Honestly, it is heartwrenching first time round, but definitely worth it. They go through a crying phase, and leaving them is the worst thing in the world, but be determined, and within a couple of weeks they settle in. Lolly couldn’t wait to go, he even wanted to go at weekends!
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Mary Reply:
September 7th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Maybe when he’s passed the 18 month old mark, but right now I think I’ve pretty much decided to keep him with me. He gets upset when I leave him as it is, there’s no use upsetting him for a few hours of play time. Besides, they’ve found that kids who are put in daycare have a higher level of the stress hormone cortisol.
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Deborah Reply:
September 7th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Well children are all different, and I’m sure you’ll feel when the right moment is to let him go a bit. 14 months is very little, and you’re right, there’s plenty of time. I don’t know any 20 year olds who still won’t let go of mummy (but then here in Italy, perhaps that’s a debatable point). You’re L’s mum, so you’re the only one qualified to make the decision, full stop – if it feels early, it is!
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I have a 2 yr. old girl and she is saying just a few words most of the times she’s bubleing , she’s afraid of people, well she doesn’t like when they talked to her, I think she needs to do the mother’s day out program in church; it’s 2 days a week from 9 to 2pm. She stared Tuesday but they called me after 1 hr. saying that she was crying the whole hour, so i don’t know what to do, I know she needs to do this , she stays with me all the time, I don’t work, I’m giving it another try tomorrow. Godd luck on your decision …Hugs me
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Mary Reply:
September 7th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I don’t know Gina, if she doesn’t need to go, maybe it’s not worth pushing her. I think all kids go through a phase when they are afraid of people, but in the end, it’s your decision and you know your child best. If you feel that she really needs it, then keep trying. Best of luck!
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Children at that age don’t play together anyway. There is plenty of time for him to do that. If you are O.K. with him being at home, take advantage of it and enjoy him. They grow up so fast.
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Mary Reply:
September 9th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Thanks Rosemary. I think I’ll do just that!
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If you are able to work with him at home, personally I don’t think there’s any important motivation to send him to asilo. The kids are just parked a lot of the time, as they are too little to even play together. They don’t get the individual attention that you can give him at home. He will definitely be getting less and less English that way…etc. But only you can decide what is best for you and your son! Don’t let me or anyone else tell you what to do!
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Mary Reply:
September 9th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Thanks Saretta. I think it was that old mommy guilt. We want to do the best for our kids and think maybe we’re not giving them enough. I’ve more or less decided to keep him with me for now.
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