Did you know that Italians have the cleanest homes in Europe?

That’s rather daunting for a slacker like me. Yes, I admit it, I don’t have the cleanest house around and I definitely don’t measure up to the rest of the Italians. So, it’s no surprise when I say that I feel rather self-conscious when we have company. If it’s a planned visit, I try to go around beforehand and clean as much as possible to give the impression that the place is spotless, but a 2 year old toddler usually ruins all of my preparations anyway.

Before you get the wrong idea though, my house is not a virtual pigsty either. I just don’t spend my entire life cleaning which is what a lot of Italian women seem to do. I don’t have the time to get up on a ladder or a chair and polish the light fixtures every few days. No, I’m not exaggerating.

It may sound incredible, but there are quite a few Italian women who start cleaning their houses from top to bottom on Monday – and when I say top to bottom I mean top to bottom, what we would call spring cleaning – then when they finish, they start all over again. That’s all they do. So, what else do they do besides work and clean? Beats me.

I can’t do it. I would go crazy. Besides the fact that I need to work and the fact that I have a toddler who I would rather spend time with than clean, I also need to have some intellectual pursuits or I will dissolve.

So, my stainless steel sink doesn’t shine like a mirror, instead it has lots of water spots on it. My oven door and kitchen cabinets have toddler fingerprints, there are toys scattered here and there and my “office” is the catch-all for everything that doesn’t have it’s own place, the ironing that I don’t have time to do and all of the things I have to keep out of sight of Luigi. Enter at your own risk.

I may not have the cleanest house in the world, but I made my son giggle today, read him a story, read some information that I found interesting on the internet, wrote a blog post and did some other work. Now, I just have to remember to tell myself that, the next time I have a surprise visit and notice that there are some crumbs on the floor. Horrors!

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I know that most of the time it’s not done to be nasty, but sometimes I just wish people would stop and think first.

The other day I wrote about Luigi being sugar sensitive. Obviously I don’t give him candy. But, the other day as I was walking through the market I heard someone say his name and by the time I had turned around to see who it was, she had already bent down and given Luigi a wrapped toffee. He turned around and gave it to me so I put it in my pocket and told him I would give him something else later which sparked a full out tantrum.

One thing led to another and it was not easy getting the child back home. Every once in a while he would get rubber legs and throw himself down on the ground. Then I would pick him up and carry him for a while, then he wanted to get down and the cycle continued.

Obviously the lady was just trying to be nice, but what if she were giving him something with nuts in it and he was deathly allergic?

Think people!

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Once he reached about 5 months of age, his sleep habits deteriorated and have been pretty bad since then, waking 3 or 4 times per night and having trouble going back to sleep. I chalked it up to several things, the fact that he started teething at five months, then we moved from one house to another, then it was back to teething, then he had a cold, and so on. Teething was really the main culprit and once he got his two year molars things calmed down quite a bit. Now he only wakes up once a night.

That is, except when it’s a night from hell. We couldn’t figure out why, but certain nights he would wake up screaming and it would take him hours to calm back down. We were sure it was nightmares, but couldn’t figure out what was causing them and why they only happened once in a while. Then, the other evening while we were visiting his Nonna, two neighbor kids came in eating ice cream cones. Knowing that he would be upset that he didn’t have one, she got one out of the freezer and gave it to him. It was one of those sugary ones with chocolate on top and a wafer cone. He ate most of it and I mentioned to O that it might take a while for him to get to sleep after all that sugar.

Lo and behold, that was one of the worst sleep nights yet. We were up with him half the night. It’s a terrible feeling when you can’t find a way to help him and, poor kid, he didn’t know what he wanted to do. He must have had 10 drinks of water and went from O to me and back again before we finally got him calmed down.

The next morning we discussed it and came to the conclusion that it must be the sugar. We’ve basically cut it down to very little and nothing after 6 pm, but then our suspicions proved to be true when we went to a friends for dinner. They had some ice cream for dessert and I let Luigi have a very small piece. You guessed it, more nightmares.

Since then, I allow him only a small amount of jam (homemade) with his toast in the morning and some fruit juice in the afternoon which, unfortunately, does contain some sugar. It seems to be only refined sugar though because eating fruits and carbs doesn’t bother him.

He’s a little calmer….Well, sometimes. He’s going through the “gimme” stage right now so anytime he sees a toy he wants we go through a rough spell. But, all in all, he’s a calmer kid.

So, no more sugar in our house.

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I had a friend who somehow managed to function on only 3 or 4 hours of sleep per night. In fact, he physically wasn’t able to sleep more than that, he would automatically wake up. When I was sitting in meetings pinching myself to stay awake, I used to wish that I had that same ability. He said it was annoying, I thought it would be fantastic.

Then I moved to Italy. Since I wasn’t working at the time I think I spent the first month catching up on years of missed sleep. But, I felt like I was wasting time. I needed to be working and not sleeping.

One of the biggest culture shocks that I had was when I went somewhere that required me to wait. The doctor’s office, hairdresser, post office and other similar places were a nightmare to me. People thought nothing of waiting for over an hour (sometimes hours). Even if I had nowhere that I had to be, it still chafed me to have to wait so long. I found it frustrating and would end up being irritated for the rest of the day.

But everyone doesn’t perceive time in the same way. To some people I guess that having to wait isn’t all that big of a deal.

Here’s an interesting video that talks about time perception and raises some very interesting points. What do you think?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3oIiH7BLmg

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That being said, there is one thing that I must say that I find to be generally true for Italians. You see, they don’t know how – or don’t want to – stand in line. The first time I really noticed it was in church. While I don’t go to church religiously (ba-dum-bum), I do remember how orderly it was going up to take communion when going to church in the states. Everyone exited from their pews on one side, one row at a time, and got in line. Then, after receiving communion they walked down the other aisle and entered the pew from the opposite side, automatically returning to their seat without having to climb over anyone. Here, communion is a free for all. People get out of their seats and walk up any which way.  The priest has a crowd of people in front of him instead of one at a time. Then, after receiving communion, people turn around and head back to their seat, weaving their way through the people standing there waiting their turn.

That’s nothing compared to when it’s a feast day though. Then everyone shuffles their way up to kiss the holy relic or touch the statue of Mary. And I do mean shuffle. People press in on one another, trying to maintain their place by force of will so that someone else doesn’t come along and manage to squeeze in there. You can feel people pushing up against your back as the crowd inches forward. It makes me want to scream “you’re invading my personal space!” In fact, one time, on Saint Valentine’s Day, as we were waiting to file past the holy relic, a man came by and elbowed me in the chest so that he could get in front of me. It doesn’t seem like something that one would do in church, but….ah well.

Then there are the times when you go to the post office or the bank or the store. No one is in line, but you need to pay close attention to who was before you. You don’t want to run the risk of cutting in line, but you also don’t want someone else to try to sneak in front of you. Once one person does, you’re through. You can’t tell just by looking though, you have to ask. People wander all over, talking to this person and that, then wander back when it’s their turn. It’s impossible to keep track of.

As you can probably imagine, buffet’s are another difficult thing here. There is no orderly taking your plate, then passing through one by one. No, everyone just crowds the table and, unless you want to make a D-Day like assault on the hors d’oeuvres, you’re better off just waiting for the main meal to be served – which is what I do since I invariably forget to bring my battle helmet.

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With the recent problems in Greece, according to this article, a lot of Greeks are “taking a hard look at their country” and seeing mismanagement and corruption. I would hate to think that things have to get that bad before Italians start to do so, but I’m afraid that may be the case.

You see, to Italians, the person who is “furbo”, who can cheat someone or get away with something illegal, the person who thinks only about themselves and forgets about the rest of society, is a person to be admired. Those who are honest are considered stupid. That’s one of the reasons why Berlusconi has been successful. Many of the people who have voted for him have done so because they admire him for being “furbo”.

The “furbo” don’t pay taxes, they get around them. Sure, we have tax loopholes in the states, but here it’s just blatant non-payment of taxes. A lot of the focus is on shopkeepers who don’t give receipts or who give receipts for less than the actual amount, but in reality, that’s small potatoes. On a somewhat bigger scale are the medical specialists who take private patients in the evenings. They may charge 120 euro for the visit, but will ask you if you need a receipt and if you say no they will give you a 20 euro discount. Sure, you can say that a decent citizen will insist on the receipt anyway and pay the extra 20 euro, but that’s an awful lot of money to someone who has a very limited income. Yet, here’s a doctor who maybe has 10 patients per night, at 100 euros a pop, that’s 1000 euros in a single evening….tax free, on top of what he gets paid for his regular medical duties.  Doctors aren’t the only ones doing this of course, there are numerous examples I could give. But, you get the general idea.

My view is, if you want something from the state, then you need to give something back. I don’t mind paying taxes if I get something in return. That doesn’t seem to be the attitude here though. People want everything, but they don’t want it to come out of their pocket. Let the other suckers pay for it.

But this attitude goes all the way to the top. In fact, for a while now in Italy they have been talking about passing a law to give certain members of the government immunity. The newest law that is about to be proposed gives legal immunity to the president, the premier and the cabinet ministers. Since when are members of a democratic government above the law?

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Today Cherrye discusses how the internet makes the expat experience a bit easier. I have to agree with her as I remember my own experience as an exchange student in France. There was no internet at the time so the only way of communicating was by “snail mail” which took at least 14 days to get from France to the US. Once in a while I remember saving up my coins to call home. The coin slots on French pay phones were transparent, so you could watch as your coins dropped and estimate how much time there was left to talk. But, as Cherrye explains, we have a lot more options today.

Expat Chat: How the Internet is Changing the Expat Experience

If you are like me, you might have a hard time keeping up with the latest Internet hype. Read my blog, Grab my RSS, Subscribe to my Stumbles, Follow me on Twitter, Skype Me, Connect on LinkedIn and Fan me on my FB Fan Page-cause everyone knows you need more than one way to connect on Facebook.

… it is downright exhausting!

It is however, a great thing for expats.

Just 10 years ago, I lived my first expat experience in Paris, sans this high-tech, always-connected, never-10-minutes-away-from-the-Internet life I live today in southern Italy.

Ten years ago I *wrote* letters to my parents and-gasp!-bought a calling card to phone them in Texas. Yes, we all had email and I splurged on Yahoo IM Internet time at the local café. But can you imagine what expat life was like before then?

Today, we have it made!

Here are three ways the Internet has changed the expat experience.

• Forums and Blogs

A soon-to-be-expat doesn’t have to look far to find a forum dedicated to her new country, which leads to bloggers based in that country, which leads to strong connections made-all before they’ve even taken flight.

In fact, many of my closest expat friends in Calabria found me via the Expats in Italy forum or my own blog. Some of them even emailed me before they’d made the move, no doubt alleviating at least some of the fear and tension that accompanies an international relocation.

• Skype

Today it is easier than ever to talk to family and friends back home via “the free Internet telephony that just works”-Skype.

While I technically don’t use it to phone home, it is also a great (read: cheap) way to conduct business on an international level, something our expat counterparts of yore can’t claim.

• Facebook

Before Facebook, expats wrote long letters home to their families and sent sweet postcards to friends. Today, that’s all changed. With one status update, “I’m in Rome and the Colosseum is awesome, Dude!” you’ve told all 800 of your closest pals about your day.

What other ways do you think the Internet has changed the expat experience and what did we do before we had it?

*Cherrye Moore is a southern Italy travel consultant and freelance writer living in Calabria, Italy. She writes about expat life on AffordableCallingCards.net and on her own site, My Bella Vita.

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Getting back to reading, which I’ve always enjoyed, made me think about the fact that I don’t see many people reading here. Back in the States, people carry books around with them whenever they think they may have to wait for something for longer than a couple of minutes. Many people take them with them to work and would read during their breaks.

Here I have never seen anyone take a book with them to the doctor’s office or on public transportation. And speaking of the doctor’s office, people rarely pick up the magazines that are there. They’d rather just sit and look at one another. When people are waiting among strangers they often just sit there – which makes me wonder what in the world they could possibly be thinking about. I would go absolutely crazy if I had to just sit there and stare into space.

When I went to the hospital I took a book with me, but I was probably the only one there who had one. O even brought me a magazine while I was there, but none of the other mothers seemed to even be interested. Now granted, there wasn’t all that much time to read, but still, I did manage to read that magazine.

There aren’t many book stores around either and the stores that do have books don’t carry a huge selection. That’s not to say that books aren’t sold. I’ve found a couple of very good websites here in Italy that actually even get the books to you within 24 hours (a record here) and one even offers books in English. So obviously someone reads.

Next time I have to wait somewhere I’m definitely taking a book with me. I wonder if people will look at me strangely….

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Most weddings, at least in this neck of the woods, take place around 11 am. Before the wedding, however, everyone heads to either the bride or groom’s house where there is a big spread of sandwiches, appetizers and sweets. That’s also where you’ll get the white ribbon for your car and your bag of rice and confetti (ouch! Yes, the happy couple gets pelted with that.) Basically what we’re doing there is waiting for the bride or groom to get ready. They appear to a smattering of applause, all dressed up and ready to go, after having their picture taken.

Then, it’s off to the church. If the house is in town and not too far from the church, then the travel is done on foot with everyone following the bride or groom. There are no “wedding parties” with maids of honor, there’s just a witness (or two) for each side and a ring-bearer and flower girl. In fact, there often is no stately march down the aisle – many times, the bride goes in first and everyone else files in on her heels.

The ceremony is a full Catholic mass (assuming that the couple is Catholic) and afterwards everyone goes up to congratulate the bride and groom and their families. Of course, this is done just like communion in church is done over here. No organized lines or anything, it’s basically a free-for-all of people pushing their way through the crowd from all directions. Then you have to turn around and push your way back out again.

Once the auguri are given, then it’s off to the reception with everyone following the couple in their cars, joyously honking their horns. Often times the bride and groom have various joke blockades to get through – a log to saw, an aperitivo in the middle of the road, etc.

At this particular reception, we started off with an appetizer buffet outside: various little sandwiches, seafood, arrosticini, prosciutto, salami, cheese, fried finger food, fruit, etc. The wise person does not eat too much at the buffet since we then go inside to eat the main meal. We started with seafood: two antipasto, two primi, a secondo, then lemon sorbet to cleanse our palates, then it was on to the meat: an antipasto, primo and secondo followed by macedonia with ice cream and wedding cake.

There’s music in the background and some dancing in between courses, but nothing like in the states with our organized dances: father and the bride, mother and the groom, etc. People spend a lot of time walking outside in between courses too. (You have too – no one can sit still for that long.)

At the end of the wedding, when the cake is served, the bride and groom hand out bombonieri to all the guests, at which time the guests give them their gifts, mostly just a card with money in it (presumably enough to pay for their meal).

We left Saturday night at 10:30 pm, when they were just starting to serve coffee and liqueur. I understand there was to be another buffet afterwards, but Luigi was tired and we were ready to head home.

I won’t mention what condition my feet were in after a hot day of mostly sitting. Let’s just say, I had to take off my shoes to walk up the stairs to our apartment and the next day I spent some time with them elevated.

The wedding was beautiful though and everyone had a good time, especially the guys with the accordion who were singing traditional songs at the top of their lungs.

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Actually though, here in Italy, some people are still on vacation – until the 7th that is.  That’s because tomorrow, Epiphany, is a holiday here.  The day when the three wise men arrived to pay homage and give gifts to the baby Jesus is also the day when Italian children wake up to find gifts in their stockings.  But, these gifts aren’t left by Santa Claus.

When I first came here I was wondering why there were witches displayed at Christmas time.  I thought that maybe they were left over from Halloween.  After all, to us Americans, that’s the natural holiday to associate with witches.  But, these weren’t just any old witch, these were “La Befana”.

One version of the story goes that when the three wise men were looking for the Christ child they got lost and stopped at a house to ask directions.  The door was opened by an old woman with a broom who didn’t know about the Christ child and couldn’t give them directions.  They asked her if she wanted to go with them, but she refused saying she had too much housework to do.  Afterwards, she changed her mind and went off to find them.  Failing to do so, she gave gifts to all of the little children hoping that they were the baby Jesus.  Now, every year she sets off on her broom to search for him again on the eve of the Epiphany (January 5th), leaving gifts for the good children and coal for the naughty ones.  You can read more versions of the story here.

So, don’t forget to hang your stocking out again tonight.  Hopefully you’ll find a gift tomorrow morning and not a lump of coal.

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